Each day with a baby, I find that I learn more and more about him and about life as well. One thought that passes over every parents mind is that, will my child be a "lap baby" have "lap fever" or "lap colic". There are so many names of this, and it makes every parent fear holding their baby for too long. Another concern is those cries that follow after putting him or her down.
I'll admit that we started out with the thoughts of should we let him cry it out? We tried this for one night. That is all we could stand. The sound of hearing him cry in agony was too much for the both of us. We eventually caved in and picked him up. In our new parent ignorance we didn't associate that he was trying to tell us something, (we only saw it as "he has to self soothe. We cannot make him a lap baby dependent on us holding him".) Perhaps he had a wet diaper, he was hot, he was cold, none the less- his needs were not being met. I recently read an article that said that holding a child too much in the first 8-12 months is not a bad idea. During this time babies cannot communicate what they need so crying is the only way they are able to communicate to explain what is wrong. After reading the article I thought 'this is elementary concepts' but it truly is eye-opening for some parents to realize they are not "enabling" their child to be held constantly. [As a side note, there are parents who do hold their children constantly, and the child does be coming dependent. My only thoughts here are for children who have "the cry", not those who just cry because they do not want to go to bed]
I recall a couple of weeks ago a little incident where crying and holding was a factor.
Picture this: (yes, I do love the Golden Girls), my mom and I are in Marshall's shopping with Benjamin. We have him in the stroller and we are navigating through the store. Suddenly Benjamin awakes and decides to cry. Not just any cry though, it was so loud it seemed to echo through the entire store. I picked him up and the crying subsided a bit. I did get him back into a state of "calmness" so I proceeded to put him back into the stroller so I could check out some new picture frames. Then he started again. Same loud, echoing cry as before. I picked him back up only to think "hum maybe his diaper needs changing?" So I go and get my portable diaper changer and change his wet diaper. After that, I assumed we would be in the clear and could finish our treasure hunts in Marshall's. But the crying only grew louder, and louder and louder until almost everyone in the store was looking at me.... (Yes, this was my first and I'm positive not my last embarrassing experience in a store.) Through all this, Benjamin was trying to communicate something to me. I first assumed it was because I wasn't holding him or directing all of my attention to him, but in fact there was something wrong that I couldn't figure out immediately but whatever it was besides the diaper, he needed me to hold him and assure him that I was there.
Babies find that security in their parents. Through their touch, their closeness and their talk. Overall I am learning. Although I sometimes grow frustrated of his crying constantly when I put him down, I understand there is something wrong, whether it be dirty diaper, acid reflux hunger or just wanting to cry, I know that his needs aren't being met and he just wants me to hold him and to assure him, I am here for him.
During these times no frustration, I frequently remind myself of the song...
"You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"
I'll admit that we started out with the thoughts of should we let him cry it out? We tried this for one night. That is all we could stand. The sound of hearing him cry in agony was too much for the both of us. We eventually caved in and picked him up. In our new parent ignorance we didn't associate that he was trying to tell us something, (we only saw it as "he has to self soothe. We cannot make him a lap baby dependent on us holding him".) Perhaps he had a wet diaper, he was hot, he was cold, none the less- his needs were not being met. I recently read an article that said that holding a child too much in the first 8-12 months is not a bad idea. During this time babies cannot communicate what they need so crying is the only way they are able to communicate to explain what is wrong. After reading the article I thought 'this is elementary concepts' but it truly is eye-opening for some parents to realize they are not "enabling" their child to be held constantly. [As a side note, there are parents who do hold their children constantly, and the child does be coming dependent. My only thoughts here are for children who have "the cry", not those who just cry because they do not want to go to bed]
I recall a couple of weeks ago a little incident where crying and holding was a factor.
Picture this: (yes, I do love the Golden Girls), my mom and I are in Marshall's shopping with Benjamin. We have him in the stroller and we are navigating through the store. Suddenly Benjamin awakes and decides to cry. Not just any cry though, it was so loud it seemed to echo through the entire store. I picked him up and the crying subsided a bit. I did get him back into a state of "calmness" so I proceeded to put him back into the stroller so I could check out some new picture frames. Then he started again. Same loud, echoing cry as before. I picked him back up only to think "hum maybe his diaper needs changing?" So I go and get my portable diaper changer and change his wet diaper. After that, I assumed we would be in the clear and could finish our treasure hunts in Marshall's. But the crying only grew louder, and louder and louder until almost everyone in the store was looking at me.... (Yes, this was my first and I'm positive not my last embarrassing experience in a store.) Through all this, Benjamin was trying to communicate something to me. I first assumed it was because I wasn't holding him or directing all of my attention to him, but in fact there was something wrong that I couldn't figure out immediately but whatever it was besides the diaper, he needed me to hold him and assure him that I was there.
Babies find that security in their parents. Through their touch, their closeness and their talk. Overall I am learning. Although I sometimes grow frustrated of his crying constantly when I put him down, I understand there is something wrong, whether it be dirty diaper, acid reflux hunger or just wanting to cry, I know that his needs aren't being met and he just wants me to hold him and to assure him, I am here for him.
During these times no frustration, I frequently remind myself of the song...
"You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"
I then begin to savor every cry, coo, finger grip, and hold I can get...
Megan,
ReplyDeleteThis is precious! You're so very right - you are gonna miss this, you are gonna want this back, you're gonna wish these days didn't go by so fast...please spend every moment you can with Benjamin and don't let anyone tell you that you are spoiling him by holding him. I wish I could hold Taylor again like that. You're an awesome Mommy! Benjamin is lucky to have you as his!